This is so ridiculous. Its so damn annoying. Ive been tossing around for the past 1 hour and i cant get to sleep at all. Im seriously pissed. I slept at 7.30am yesterday morning (considering now being Saturday, woke up late and took a cab to work.
I am so damn tired. Mentally and emotionally drained and all i want is just to have a good night rest and yet im suffering from insomnia. This is such a joke.
I had a terrible bad day at work today and i havent been feeling the best of moods recently. Then again, when was the last time i actually felt happy for once? I cant remember.. i probably never did.
I hate going to work. I seriously hate it now. I thought i could tolerate and just ignore all the unpleasant stuffs but it had reached the summit, its way over my limits. I can take it no more!!! I dont mind the heavy workload, i dont mind the long weird working hours, i dont mind staring at 2 monitors till my eyes go blur, and i dont mind doing what i am doing now at work but i just cant tolerate that ONE person that's just so annoying.
He seriously annoyed the shit of me and i am bloody pissed!!!!
I can write like 1000 words essay of how annoying he is and the things he do that pisses me off but i decided to give it a miss because that would just make me even more pissed.
I always have much confidence in myself and believe that i am a strong person, not a weakling. But now, i feel so weak i just wanna break down and cry. I dont know why im going through this crap.
Am i too young? too childish? too immature to handle what "adults" in the working world has to handle? I am a very blunt person, i hate beating around the bush. My emotions and tone of speech easily show the truth of what my heart is feeling and thinking. Im not a boot-licker and i seriously dont care whether or not you're my supervisor, seriously.
So what if you are? You create a mess of my work when im not around when you're supposed to cover my job. You push all the shit jobs that you dont wanna do to me thinking that im a pushover. This is totally crap, its absurb!
So what if you're the man who feedbacks my performance to the boss, that doesnt mean i have to worship you or suck up to you so that i can get a good review or something. I am not that kinda person and i will never be. Our job scope is clearly defined, i dont see why i should help you do what you're supposed to do which you dont wanna do. Im a freeaking level ONE who gets like the lowest pay in the entire company and you are the supervisor who gets much higher pay than i do. So why should i be picking up shit queries that's not even within my role and responsibilities?!?!?!?!?!?
I dont mind helping, if you dont have the time. I dont mind doing what you dont wanna do, provided that im free. But i have so many crap to do as well so why should i even be looking into yours when i dont even have the freaking time to look into mine. And at the end of day if i dont clear my crap, you'll be annoying me again with "Amber, why didnt you blahblahblah..." or "Amber, have you done this? have you done that?" or "Amber, why didnt you prioritise this..blahblahblah" or "Amber, did you call blahblahblah".
IT IS SO ANNOYING!!!
I hate it when somebody bosses me around. Dont tell me things like "he's your supervisor, he's got the authority to". Thats just crap. Because he's not exactly my supervisor? He's just probably got the highest level in the team and he thinks that im good to bully cos im a fucking diploma graduate and a green horn in the industry.
You know what? ..|.. u.
On a lighter note, my leave is finally approved during the x'mas week and i decided to spend x'mas this year with my family instead. Thinking of going on a holiday. Hopefully there's still air tickets and what not available. Not too sure where to go yet though. Hong Kong? Taiwan? Shanghai? Japan?
Great..its 7.30am. Ms grumy+annoyed+superpissed is gonna try to catch some sleep. May Monday never come.
* yours truly.
amber.ruoxuan\\twenty\
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20051987\\single\\operations analyst @ credit suisse\\friendster*
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